Many explanations of the mediation process mention good faith. Good faith is a prerequisite for participating in mediation because it means that participants are genuinely attempting to resolve the dispute. In other words, good faith is being open to mediation during the entire process. In my experience, participants who are open to mediating are mindful and present. They may not reach an agreement, but they are engaged in and aware of the process.

If a participant is not mediating in good faith, then they are not open to co-creating a resolution through the process of mediation. Deciding to participate in mediation is consenting to the process, and consent is an ongoing conversation throughout an experience. Therefore, the decision to participate is made continuously, not just at the onset of a session, and that decision may change.

How open a participant is during a mediation session depends on numerous, individual factors. The sacred pause is a tool that any participant can use to assess whether they are operating in good faith. The sacred pause can also assist with accessibility and promote mindful presence. A pause postpones activity and frees up time that can be used for witnessing or noticing. The more we pause, the more we can be aware of what is taking place within and around our Selves.

In tantra, the sacred pause refers to slowing down our responses and taking time to notice our Selves and our surroundings before we act out of habit on our conditioned tendencies or automatic reactions. When we pause, we give our Selves our time to notice our actual experience, to feel into our bodies and see what is or is not awake or in motion. We can examine any tension or constriction we feel when thinking about the mediation process, whether our attention is being drawn elsewhere, and if we can imagine an outcome that meets the expressed needs. The sacred pause is brimming with possibilities because we reunite with our Selves at choice. In the stillness before our habits arise, we become free to choose how to act, and so we are more spacious and more open to creating more ways forward because we access so many more possibilities than our automatic reaction when we pause. That is not to say that we should ignore or bypass any uncertainty, confusion, hesitation, reservation, or a “no” in any form.

Good faith can be present even when there are disagreements. Disagreements may result in one participant alleging that another is not operating in good faith, especially if a clear definition of good faith has not been provided. If such an allegation is made, take a sacred pause and assess whether any participant is not open to mediating through a discussion of whether anyone cannot be mindful and present. I have observed mindfulness in participants as an ability to slow down for explanations, and I have observed presence in participants as an ability to slow down for processing.

There is no failure if a participant cannot be present and mindful. In fact, the acknowledgment that good faith is not present is supportive of the mediation process because it allows for stopping or rescheduling instead of carrying on without everyone’s consent. Additionally, practicing the sacred pause or slowing down may be hard at first, but it will be even more difficult if we feel unsafe. Consider what conditions support your feeling of safety, ideally before a mediation session begins, and ask for them at any time. For example, if the mediation is virtual, I remind participants of their option to caucus – speak to the mediator away from the other participants – in a breakout room for any length of time.